intrusive thoughts

//TW//

//intrusive thoughts, dark imagery//

there are thoughts I don't want

forcing their way up and out

making everything else go dark

as they steal the spotlight

Its all I can focus on

while my demon cackles with glee

having successfully diverted my mind

to these horrifying things

in the midst of all this,

my actual thoughts - my ideas, my notions

begin to suffocate in the background

slowly choked to their grave

I shake my head, to get rid of this metaphorical stage

but it persists, the spotlight gets brighter.

I begin to hear the strangles sounds of the side characters

and i reach out - to help, for help

but I am bound. paralyzed, forced to watch

frightened but mesmerised and unable to look away

subconsciously I push myself and shake my head even harder

sending a chill down my spine.

the final shake shatters the spotlight

forcing the lights back on

the place is a mess, the side characters still choking

and I run to save them

Some slowly, agonisingly fade away just out of reach.

but most stay, a little worse for the wear.

I help them stand, give them water

Help them come back to their old self

And then I push them out.

out into the world, into some nook or cranny 

to be read by others, felt by others, heard by others. 

who take them in, nurse them and better them.

I go back in and prepare for the auditions

prepare for the rinse repeat.

this time, I will do better.

this time, I will not let them choke.